A poisonous witch

Sometimes you come across someone masquerading as one of the good guys.  You haven't seen them for ages so you invite them in.  You welcome them with a smile.  And then BAM!  The clouds gather, the lightening splits the sky in half and they open their mouth and say...

'You look alright.  I heard your face had melted.'  Cue melting face hand gestures and pointing.  Then, as if I hadn't heard the poisoned barb the first time, 'you look fine.  I heard you'd...you know.  Melted.  Your face.'

At this point most people met with stony silence would realise the faux pas and back slowly out the door.  They'd plead for forgiveness.  Make some effort to retract such a statement.  Instead the poisonous witch looked at me quizzically, as if perhaps it was I who had some social problem.

My mind filled the silence that followed with a montage of images: having my face debrided (scraped;) the white V for Vendetta burn mask; the mirrors being taped up; trauma counseling to quell the dreams of melted, blurry faces and no reflections; not to mention the hours and hours and hours of 'face-care;' careful massaging and creaming.

I healed well.  I know I'm lucky.  I only have a couple of faint scars under my chin, on my lip and forehead.  Yet I still fear the loss of my face; it very nearly happened.  I don't need to be reminded of that ever, ever again, thank you. 

That witch has flown (off on her broomstick) and left behind only a trace of bitter spell. She probably hasn't given our encounter a second thought.  But...I won't be forgetting in a hurry and I won't be welcoming her again.  Life is too short to fill it with poison. 

Snow White and the Magical Spray Tan

Once upon a time there was a young-ish woman with fair, fair skin.  Her family called her 'Snow White.'  As Snow White grew up she became more and more aware of just how fair she was; just a few minutes too long in the sun could harm her delicate skin.  But Snow White also worked out that she could still go brown if she was very, very sensible.

One terrible day Snow White was burned by a dragon's fiery breath.  That was the day the birds in the trees stopped singing and the sun missed seeing Snow White's face basking in her rays.

As Summer slid into Autumn and Autumn browned to Winter, Snow White grew paler and paler. Sometimes she felt she might just fade away.  Spring brought new beginnings for the trees and the birds but Snow White needed to be patient for her new beginning.  She often looked out the window at the world rushing past and wondered when it would arrive.

When Summer poked her head out again Snow White was pleased to see her.  It had been such a long time since they'd greeted each other!  She could say hello to the sun this year but she couldn't sit in her beam for too long because her poor, burned skin was more delicate than ever.  The sun was both sad and angry about Snow White's troubles and so she spent the Summer shining brightly and then crying desperately.  Thanks to her tears 2012 was one of the wettest Summer ever!  Festivals were flooded and the skies were blue one moment and grey the next.

Snow White decided that she hated being 'Snow White.'  She decided to go to a wizard she'd heard about who could spray you brown!  Snow White was very excited about this idea.  She was tired of looking pale and tired of the way her dragon-scars stood out as red as the red, red, rose. But the Wizard shook his kindly head at her.

'I'm sorry Snow White.'  He comforted her.  'You will have to stay as white as snow.  My magic won't work on you and I'm afraid of making a mistake.'

Snow White was very disappointed but she understood.  She went away and thought hard.  She decided to ask someone else if they could help.

'Why don't you ask my Fairy-Friend?'  Enquired Snow White's Fairy Godmother.  'She lives close by in the Dry Woods.'

So Snow White packed her things and set off to the Dry Woods.  (She met many exciting people along the way but that's another tale for another time!)  The Dry Woods were nestled in the night of mountains but the Fairy-Friend wasn't hard to find.  The Fairy looked at Snow White and her dragon-scars with sadness.


'I'm sorry Snow White.'  She began. 'You will have to stay as white as snow.  My magic won't work on you and I'm afraid of making a mistake.'

The Fairy listened hard to Snow White's plight and decided to help if she could.  She consulted her fairy council who knew about these things.

'Shall I turn your legs brown, Snow White?'  Asked the Fairy.  'That way, some of you will be brown.  And when more time has passed and the birds begin to sing again, we can turn all of you brown!'

Snow White was disappointed about the magic's limitations but she understood why the Fairy was unable to perform the full spell.  They set a date for Snow White to return to Dry Woods.

'My legs shall be pale no longer!'  Sang Snow White happily as she skipped home.  'I will look more like my old self again!'

Somewhere, in the distance, a blackbird quietly sang back.