...and a Happy New Year!

As Christmas Eve darkened, the family headed to pub in high spirits.  The Rose, swathed in lights of all colours, greeted us from across the road.  As we stepped across I felt a sudden lurch in my stomach.  Perhaps it was all the excitement....

No, it was Norovirus.  From about 9pm on the 24th December, Christmas was a write-off.  The only presents I could think about was the lingering presence of nausea and stomach-clenching cramps.  The 25th....the 26th....no Turkey for me.  Finally, the 27th looms and here I am, contemplating getting out of bed!

Sitting in bed with a bowl and a dry biscuit while listening to the merriment downstairs has given me more time than ever to plan my New Year's Resolutions!  Not something I have ever previously made a habit of, I have decided that having a general direction in life might be a good idea.  I am, after all, hovering in my late twenties.  'Still young!'  I hear you cry (and I cry with you, a Disaronno in my hand...) Yet there are a few changes that need to be made.

Firstly, I do register that I am very lucky.  Any changes are relatively minor because I do already have the important things in life.  I am surrounded by people who love me, who bring me porridge coated with sugar and attend my every need while Noro clouds my vision.  I know I have lots going for me, despite some difficult times.  Yet I do still feel that next year, things need to be shaken up a bit. 

As the days, weeks and months pass, it becomes increasingly evident that I no longer enjoy my job.  The pleasure of teaching, once a vibrant daily reminder that I had finally obtained the career I loved, has slowly evaporated leaving behind a withered husk of memory.  Despite my best efforts to rekindle the past: that unwavering loyalty towards the School; that passion; that sense of inclusion; I feel I must admit that those brief  'golden days' are long gone.  Initially, I panicked.  Was it teaching in general?  Had I lost what I had previously thought was a deeply engrained calling?  Were those feelings merely passing fancies? 

Realistically, who goes back to the place they had a traumatic, life-changing, image-altering accident and just 'gets on with it,' no issues noted?  I am pretty sure that I am having a minor crisis of thought because of the School, not because of me.  So in the New Year, this is a high priority to address.  For my own sanity I must look at the avenues available to me so I can go back to being the enthusiastic, blindly-buoyant teacher I was before. 

Another thing I will focus on next year is my health.  Although it has improved greatly since the accident, I have spent a year 'making up for lost time.'  I've done little exercise, I've let myself get increasingly stressed (until my heart is pounding so hard I think I'm going to pass out!) I've drunk too much, eaten too many gastro-pub burgers and generally taken it all for granted.  In November I reluctantly took up Yoga, more because I was feeling guilty about my lack of activity rather than any real desire and was shocked, SHOCKED I tell you at how weak I was!  My muscles quivered under the strain of downward dog.  I looked around the room at all these middle aged women in leggings, balanced in the art of Zen and then back to my own shivering form.  Oh my.  So, I need to remember that this body has to last a long time.  Instead of filling it with 'bombs and burgers perhaps I should turn to my new Nigel Slater Cookbook (a recent Christmas acquisition) and embrace late-twenties domestication.  (Or maybe, I'll just cut back a bit and make sure I don't bail out of Yoga due to the weather...it is indoors after all!)

Finally, I must remember to be more kind in general.  To others and to myself. 

So.....forgetting the 'Merry Christmas' as I completely missed it!  Here's to a Happy New Year instead!