As Christmas Eve darkened, the family headed to pub in high spirits. The Rose, swathed in lights of all colours, greeted us from across the road. As we stepped across I felt a sudden lurch in my stomach. Perhaps it was all the excitement....No, it was Norovirus. From about 9pm on the 24th December, Christmas was a write-off. The only presents I could think about was the lingering presence of nausea and stomach-clenching cramps. The 25th....the 26th....no Turkey for me. Finally, the 27th looms and here I am, contemplating getting out of bed!
Sitting in bed with a bowl and a dry biscuit while listening to the merriment downstairs has given me more time than ever to plan my New Year's Resolutions! Not something I have ever previously made a habit of, I have decided that having a general direction in life might be a good idea. I am, after all, hovering in my late twenties. 'Still young!' I hear you cry (and I cry with you, a Disaronno in my hand...) Yet there are a few changes that need to be made.
Firstly, I do register that I am very lucky. Any changes are relatively minor because I do already have the important things in life. I am surrounded by people who love me, who bring me porridge coated with sugar and attend my every need while Noro clouds my vision. I know I have lots going for me, despite some difficult times. Yet I do still feel that next year, things need to be shaken up a bit.
As the days, weeks and months pass, it becomes increasingly evident that I no longer enjoy my job. The pleasure of teaching, once a vibrant daily reminder that I had finally obtained the career I loved, has slowly evaporated leaving behind a withered husk of memory. Despite my best efforts to rekindle the past: that unwavering loyalty towards the School; that passion; that sense of inclusion; I feel I must admit that those brief 'golden days' are long gone. Initially, I panicked. Was it teaching in general? Had I lost what I had previously thought was a deeply engrained calling? Were those feelings merely passing fancies?
Realistically, who goes back to the place they had a traumatic, life-changing, image-altering accident and just 'gets on with it,' no issues noted? I am pretty sure that I am having a minor crisis of thought because of the School, not because of me. So in the New Year, this is a high priority to address. For my own sanity I must look at the avenues available to me so I can go back to being the enthusiastic, blindly-buoyant teacher I was before.
Another thing I will focus on next year is my health. Although it has improved greatly since the accident, I have spent a year 'making up for lost time.' I've done little exercise, I've let myself get increasingly stressed (until my heart is pounding so hard I think I'm going to pass out!) I've drunk too much, eaten too many gastro-pub burgers and generally taken it all for granted. In November I reluctantly took up Yoga, more because I was feeling guilty about my lack of activity rather than any real desire and was shocked, SHOCKED I tell you at how weak I was! My muscles quivered under the strain of downward dog. I looked around the room at all these middle aged women in leggings, balanced in the art of Zen and then back to my own shivering form. Oh my. So, I need to remember that this body has to last a long time. Instead of filling it with 'bombs and burgers perhaps I should turn to my new Nigel Slater Cookbook (a recent Christmas acquisition) and embrace late-twenties domestication. (Or maybe, I'll just cut back a bit and make sure I don't bail out of Yoga due to the weather...it is indoors after all!)Finally, I must remember to be more kind in general. To others and to myself.
So.....forgetting the 'Merry Christmas' as I completely missed it! Here's to a Happy New Year instead!
