The Human Experience

Up and down,
with baggage,
alone.
The staircase rings out;
specific steps designed
with a destination in mind.
Mind
the people racing
up and down,
with baggage,
alone.

Eyes meet another's
and we both know,
THIS step
has more meaning than the rest.

This is not a new idea,
heaven knows.
And hell's gates
open/close.

Something to ponder.

Your Changed Self.

In grief we learn to identify our losses and define our changed selves. The physical and emotional healing that follows can be a long, involved journey. As you acknowledge your burn injury and give yourself permission to experience the thoughts and feelings that coincide, you begin to assign new meaning to your life. The roles, behaviors, relationships, needs, goals, and expectations you once held will inevitably change. With each new role you assume, each changed relationship you nurture, and each new behavior you adopt, you are reinforcing
your changed self.



From living with a burn injury

More interesting reading The Change Blog

De nile; a river in Egypt.

Every-time I bump into someone I haven't seen for a while I'm told how wonderful I'm doing and how 'well' I look, considering. Obviously I am very pleased about this. I don't really want people telling me I look rubbish or like I've had an accident. I did that bit over Summer and I would like to put it in a little box in my mind, never to be opened again.

There are several types of denial and I think that I might be suffering from minimisation; admitting the fact but denying it's seriousness. When I discuss the event with people I can hear myself downplaying the horror of what has happened. It can lead to cognitive distortion, one part of this would be downplaying a trauma in order to avoid worry for yourself or others. Surely though, this can be a positive thing? Who wants to listen to someone's sob story again and again? And feeling too sorry for yourself can inhibit action and moving on.

I have adopted a 'get on with it and don't dwell on it' attitude and this has meant I can carry on with my life as normally as possible. I have wondered if I might be missing the stages I should be going through but perhaps I will avoid all that drama.

Mostly I am severely irritated by this stupid accident. It was really ridiculous and shouldn't have happened. (Perhaps this is my anger stage...) I love my life, I'm young, I have a job I love and friends and family around me. I have a busy and exciting social life and a fantastic boyfriend. I have worked really hard to get all these things and just as they line up...this happened! It's in the way of the life I want to live. I just want to forget it. Deny it! Minimise it! And continue to live life as before.

This is very difficult though. I've become a different person and this often surfaces in my mind. I don't think most people would notice but I notice it myself. I can't be as spontaneous as I was before, for example I can't go out partying all night, I get too tired. I can't be as carefree because I am reminded of what has happened and I have to look after myself more now.

Ideally, I will never feel long term misery over this incident. Minimising what has happened doesn't minimise the reality of it; the events and aftermath will be forever engraved in my memory and I make light of them in order to get on with my life. If I didn't, perhaps I would struggle to cope. I think that this is a useful defence mechanism for me and as long as I don't overlook any strong feelings I have otherwise, I can't see why I shouldn't keep up this attitude. Long live denial!

Revelations

Did my life flash before my eyes?

No.

Am I re-evaluating my life?

No.

Can I suddenly see how lucky I am?

Yes.

The greatest revelation has been just how much I love my life and the people in it. It has surprised me how proud I am of the life I have constructed for myself and the choices I have made to get here.

It sounds ridiculous and a bit short-sighted of me but I never really knew how important it was to have people around you that would do anything to make you feel better and look after you. I'm very lucky that these people extend not only to my family but to my man and my friends.

Most people talk about all the things they want to do after a 'close-call.' There are still lots of things I want to do but mostly there are things I'm glad I've done already. I'm glad I've chosen to take the opportunities that have come my way and made the most of my life everyday. I've chosen to surround myself by positive and lovely people, I strive to be the best at my job and I'm pleased with where it's taken me.

Of course there are some things that will be different for me now! I will always be more cautious. I don't like fireworks or bright flashes. I'm nervous of lifts, christmas lights and enclosed spaces and I dislike things that heat up: ovens; kettles; hairdryers; microwaves...I think I will always hate flames. No more cosy fires for me!

On a more personal note, I don't think I will waste as much time anymore. It has become more precious. I have always made decisions and changed things I don't like but I think now it will take me less time to get around to the right decision.

I think I am less likely to take things for granted. Examples would be my face, I used to complain a lot about my skin when really, it was lovely. I also complained about my figure, despite being fit and healthy from running a lot. Since having this accident, I am always going to feel kinder towards myself!

Of course I'm only human so I am sure I will become unappreciative again...sometime. But right now, I can appreciate the life I had and I want it back!