We all have a sixth sense that warns us of danger and tells us when to change our behaviour to avoid getting hurt. This sixth sense hypes itself up in some more than others, sometimes as a response to an accident but sometimes for no reason at all. It's important to register your 'spidey' sense. Lonely, dark, furtive alleyway? In kicks the voice; AVOID! AVOID! RUN AWAY! And sometimes it will be right. Yet quite often, it's over-dramatic and it's possible you should just kick it right back and ignore it.
My therapist mentioned the concept of sensory memory to me as I often have flashbacks of my accident prompted by feeling the sun warming my skin. This isn't because of the burn. This is because immediately prior to the burn I was standing in direct sunlight, admiring the blue, blue sky and appreciating the heat of the sun on my skin. So now, whenever I feel the sensation of direct sunlight, I am instantly transported back to that moment in a spin of deja vous, the horror of Groundhog Day. Now, when I experience that same sensation my spidey-sense goes on red alert, ready for danger, warning me that the coast is NOT clear.
Sensory memory allows us to build our memories not only as a narrative, but to link sensations and physical experience to them. In many cases this can be pleasant. Everyone has had a moment where a scent evoked a sudden recollection and 'took you back.' However, in other cases it may not be so pleasant. Someone who was at risk of drowning might find that they react negatively to the feeling of water splashing into their face. Apparently a sensory memory is more likely to be formed if you are paying great attention to the stimulus, as I was, when basking in the searing summer sun.
This has become more important to me because I am going to be attending an event held at the site of the accident. I am going to be feeling the same ground under my feet, taking in the same view and possibly, feeling the same degree of sunshine warming my skin. My senses are going to riot. I am going to panic inwardly while smiling outwardly at the bustles of people enjoying themselves. All I will be able to see will be myself, on fire.
Still, this is something that I have to do. I need to rein that spidey-sense in, remind it who's boss. Say, 'why thank you for warning me but no, we're not going to run away and hyperventilate in a shadowy corner, there's no danger here.' By the time another year has passed and another summer has swung round I would like to feel the sun on my skin and think nothing but, 'ahhhhh, that's nice.'
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