Grrrrrrr, blahhhh, humph.

Today is a low day. The sun barely rose in the sky, leaving the day dingy and me feeling very blah. All the wine has been mulled, all the pies have been scoffed, everyone has gone home and I've hit the lull. All the uplifting and inspirational things I have spouted suddenly seem flat and lack-lustre.

I have been looking forward to the end of December, waiting to say goodbye to what has been the best and worst year I've ever experienced. Now it is nearly here, I look at myself in the mirror and despair. Things have improved to a degree but I've got such a long way to go. I've been trying to be positive, continuously thinking, 'it will improve, it will improve.' Now I am thinking, 'when will it improve, when???'

It seems like forever ago but it's only been 5 months.

My next personal deadline is my holiday in August. I'm going to Turkey and it's going to be extremely hot which will bring several challenges with it. By then it will have been a year since the accident and I'm hoping my injuries will be much less noticeable. I want to be able to wear Summer clothes without being self-conscious and I don't want to be uncomfortable in the heat. I considered not going but there are six people going and I didn't want to be the one to miss out. I need to get on with my life.

I still have the rash on my arm and it only seems to be getting worse. I finally have an appointment with a consultant on January 17th, it's only taken 4 months for the NHS to decide it needs treating! I've also made an appointment privately with a Physiotherapy to start Acupuncture and whatever else they recommend.

Being zipped into a compression vest night and day is getting tiresome. I only have 2, so my entire life seems to be spent around washing them and trying to make sure they are clean enough to wear.

When I look back to how awful things were in the first few weeks, I realise how far I've come but when I look in the mirror, I realise how far I still have to go.

It’s Chrrrrriiiiisssttttmmmassss!!!!

This morning I opened the curtains to a stream of sunshine. The skies were clear, crisp blue and the road behind the house glistened with a fine sheen of ice.

The fields had been sprayed with a shimmer of white and the bare arms of the white birch tree outside my window looked as though they had been dusted with icing powder. December has crept up on me slowly and tapped me on the shoulder with his chilly fingers. It seems like a blink ago that I was lying in the recovery position, the July sun beating down on me, knowing that something terrible and life-changing had just happened.

Christmas will mean more to me this year. We all know it should be about the people, not the presents. We know it should be about spending time with those we love, putting feuds behind us and showing goodwill to all men. Yet somehow it slides into too much to eat, much too much to drink and before you know it, you’ve given someone a snippy answer and someone’s snapped back.

This year, I’m going to be one of those annoying people who say, ‘remember what’s important.’ Believe me, you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. Look in the mirror and be proud of yourself, be kind to yourself and love what you’ve got. Then look around you, at your friends and family and remind yourself how lucky you are.

As you know I’ve just read Katie Piper’s book ‘Beautiful,’ and her alternative Christmas message, aired a few years back on Channel 4, says it all. I’ve borrowed her powerful words to post here.

‘My life before was very self-absorbed, self-obsessed, and it took a tragedy for me to reassess my life and how I felt and what I thought was important. Don’t wait until you lose somebody. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Appreciate the beautiful things and the beautiful people that you have in your life now…My Christmas message would be to tell people that I used to hide away and be ashamed of how I looked, frightened of people’s reactions. If people are doing that or feel that way now, I would urge them not to, because they don’t have to feel like that. You can become accepted, you can regain the confidence. And for the people that need to do the accepting, who maybe freak out when they see somebody who’s different, you absolutely don’t have to.'

Even when you think things can never move forward and you feel so low, there’s always a way out. I never thought that I’d be sitting here saying this. Never.’

So Merry Christmas everybody; enjoy, appreciate and savour.

Something for the Christmas list; ‘Beautiful’ by Katie Piper.

I’ve always been a fast reader. I devour books, whipping through pages so quickly that people think I can’t possibly be taking it all in. The more I enjoy a book, the faster I go, until the words become an independent chatter in my head and I’m lost in the story. As an English teacher this is an important skill; I can get the gist of things quickly and I can speed-read my way through a text to teach the next day. The downside is that good books never last more than a day or so! As a child, my Dad once watched me zoom through The Diary of Adrian Mole in 3 hours and couldn’t believe I’d actually read it. He set up a quiz and watched me I disbelief as I answered every question correctly, sometimes quoting directly from the book.

So when I picked up Katie Piper’s ‘Beautiful,’ I knew it wasn’t going to take me long. I was hooked and spent the next 4 hours churning through the pages, only stopping occasionally to wipe the tears from my eyes and swallow the lump in my throat. We all know Katie Piper and we all know she has a harrowing story. Yet to read it first hand and empathise with her emotional journey is very different. She’d chosen her words carefully to explain exactly how she felt and didn’t shy away from the more personal details. It was a riveting although difficult read.

Katie’s attitude is one that I think people who are experiencing any difficulties in their lives should strive to adopt. Her mantra, ‘you’re a survivor, not a victim,’ is a potent one. Those who see themselves as victims of circumstance feel powerless to help themselves and in the case of emotionally and physically gruelling circumstances, you have to help yourself as much as possible. Taking some control and being a ‘survivor’ is often hard to achieve but very satisfying once done.

Katie’s Uncle says to her, ‘you haven’t just survived, you’re thriving too.’ It’s no good just existing day to day. As an individual you have the right to lead a full, flourishing life bursting with the things you enjoy and surrounded by people who love you. Much of this is to do with your own actions, being brave enough to try new things and take opportunities and not always worrying what others think of you.



If you have had an accident, particularly a burns accident, this is a very reassuring read. The medical team keep saying to Katie, ‘it won’t always be like this, or look like this’ and her recent press photos prove they were right - she excludes confidence and fabulousness. As someone in the early stages of recovery and skin changes, it’s positive for me to see the results of time and patience. Katie also found she disliked things like hairdryers, cooking, candles, hot drinks and so on. This is something I’ve found difficult (especially around Christmas time: chestnuts roasting on an open fire; mulled wine; fairy lights and all that!) but am pleased to know that it’s something burn survivors do, a process they go through. It doesn’t matter how you were burned, fear of being burned by something else, even if completely unlikely or illogical, is common.

Overall, I’d recommend Katie’s book to anyone, as a reminder of what’s important in life and how fragile our construct of our sense of self can be if it is based on a superficial form of beauty. Katie is beautiful, her friends and family are beautiful and her medical team are beautiful. There is a wide world of beauty out there and it doesn’t all look the same.

‘Burnt and fabulous, that was me.’



Life is like an hourglass......

Eventually everything hits the bottom, and all you have to do is wait it out until someone comes along and turn it around again.

Katie Piper, looking fabulous

Recovering from an accident takes a combination of time and mental and physical power. Unless you have had an accident, you can't appreciate the level of effort that goes into becoming yourself again. Although a large part of this is physical, it also takes time to feel mentally well and 'yourself.' Any one who has experienced a trauma, for example a break-up or a death in the family may look back on that time of stress and wonder how they got through it and managed to function day to day. These periods of time may seem blurry or particularly vivid. You remember how you felt, what happened around you, almost as if it's a programme you are watching on TV, or if you are watching it happening to someone else.

Once you have battled your way through and taken the steps towards recovery, you start to reflect. For me, once I begun to reflect, this was when I realised I was starting to feel like myself again. I was beginning to enjoy going out and socialising instead of it feeling like a battle, something I 'should' do. I felt less self-aware and this helped me feel more confident again.


Someone who should be incredibly proud of themselves is Katie Piper. Her photo was taken at the Jersey Boys west end show recently and she looks fabulous. Not only does she look fabulous, she looks confident in the way she stands and the way she smiles. Katie has had a difficult battle during her long recovery and hopefully she is on her way back to feeling like herself again.

Once upon a time Sleeping Ugly was a problem but thanks to the magical powers of Valerian root they all slept happily ever after.

An average adult needs between 7-9 hours sleep a night to function cheerfully in the day. An average burn patient needs more than this and here's the annoying part...they rarely are able to get it.

In the first few months after my injury I slept most of the day. This was mostly because of the tremendous power of painkillers Oxycodone, Tramadol and the like. I'd get up, have breakfast, spend a few hours laying on the sofa and then have an afternoon nap. Get up for dinner, some TV, then go to bed. As I was so drowsy from the medication, it was fairly easy to sleep, despite my massive Chubb's Peterson cast. The problem came when I stopped taking the Oxycodone painkiller.

Oxycodone is a habit-forming and a hazardous drug if not used properly. When I came out of my first month of injury haze (the brain fog that envelopes you shrouds all else) and realised the power of this drug I couldn't wait to come off it. I knew that experiencing hideous withdrawal symptoms was a possibility as when having my skin grafts done the hospital had forgotten to prescribe me any of my routine medication. Not only did I have the most painful operation known to mankind, I also went cold turkey.

If you're coming off something like this you should speak to your Doctor about how to do it as you need proper information on the least stressful way to do it. Me, I'm all about finding out for yourself. I took the dosage down every week until I was on pretty much nothing and then I stopped.

Oh dear.

The side effects were rough. Ever seen Leonardo Di Caprio in 'The Basketball Diaries?' O.k, it wasn't quite as bad as that but I felt terrible for about a week and half. The biggest problem of all was becoming an insomniac. I didn't sleep for more than a few hours at a time for an entire week. As I was used to spending my time sleeping, this came as quite a shock. I was literally 'out of it.' I didn't know what was going on, what day it was, my muscles felt heavy, I felt panicky and had a fast heartbeat.

Then there were the nightmares. I'd had a couple previously, I think everyone does after a trauma. Your mind is trying to make sense of the non-sense that's just taken place and as such you get some interesting albeit frightening narratives happening in your head. I was told by a counsellor that the more intelligent and creative among us endure the worst nightmares/flashbacks/ and post-trauma symptoms. A very veiled compliment if ever I heard one!

If you're in this situation, you will just have to wait it out. Sleep as much as possible, when you wake up perhaps read for a bit. When you are really tired, don't fight it. Even if you have company they will have to leave early so you can rest, as you are likely to have another wide-eyed night when you are trying to sleep. It's important to keep trying because our bodies heal during sleep and as burn survivors, we need every extra minute of healing we can get!


I'm a bit further along in the healing process now and although it was only a few months ago, that horrible time seems quite distant. I still need lots of sleep though. At the moment I'm averaging between 9 and 10 hours a night and I could probably have an afternoon nap if I made time for it. I'm finding that I do wake up a lot and I often have very disturbed sleep.

Recently I made a discovery of epic proportions, Valerian root tea. Thank you Tesco! Valerian has sedative properties and because of the way it works, suppressing the nervous system, it can also help with nervous tension, excitability, stress, intestinal colic and sleeping disorders such as disturbed sleep.

As with any drug, even the herbal kind, you shouldn't overdo it because you can upset the positive 'side-effects' and end up with adverse effects. If you are going to take it as a nutritional supplement then check the strength and how to take it. It can also interfere with some other drugs and shouldn't be taken when pregnant. As with any sedative, you must NOT drink alcohol with it. (Check these things here, and here people but remember the positive effects as these list of side-effects are quite off-putting.)

Every night this week I've drunk one cup of Valerian tea about 20 minutes before bed and I have slept through my 9-10 hours solidly. I am happier drinking the tea because it's fairly weak in strength and I'm unlikely to get 'dependency problems,' it's herbal tea from Tesco's. I bought the Dr Stuart's tea because they have higher concentrates of active ingredients in them. Therefore they are a bit more expensive but you get what you pay for.

They also do a Tranquility tea and a Chamomile tea.

Last but not least, I thought I'd better mention that it's an acquired taste, somewhere between Chamomile and hamster cage. Overall though, it's mellow green liquid holds promises of deep, undisturbed sleep. Worth it.

Something to ponder.

Your Changed Self.

In grief we learn to identify our losses and define our changed selves. The physical and emotional healing that follows can be a long, involved journey. As you acknowledge your burn injury and give yourself permission to experience the thoughts and feelings that coincide, you begin to assign new meaning to your life. The roles, behaviors, relationships, needs, goals, and expectations you once held will inevitably change. With each new role you assume, each changed relationship you nurture, and each new behavior you adopt, you are reinforcing
your changed self.



From living with a burn injury

More interesting reading The Change Blog

I've nearly reached 1000 page hits, keep on hitting those pages people!

Thank you everyone who's visited the site, even if you got here by some mysterious twist of fate (i.e. you clicked a wrong link.) I will be buying a 'serious' domain name soon and am currently researching riveting topics such as 'driving traffic to your blog.' The most hits I received in a day was 187 which I was pretty proud of but since then it's plateaued a little.

I will continue to write, please continue to read and don't hesitate to leave comments or questions. I'd be happy to answer them.

Esther Sabetpour, an inspiration.

It was Esther who commented on one of my recent posts and gave me the boost to go swimming at my trip to a spa. I felt confident before I got to the pool but once there I felt very different. I become acutely aware of my body, it's scars, it's redness and of the people around me. It was terrifying!

Esther commented that she had been to San Tropez and thought f**k it. She added her website on the comment and I had a look. It was then I realised just what an inspiration she is. Esther had an accident that left her lower body covered in severe burns. She has used photography to document her recovery and show another version of beauty. The scars are patchwork in nature and look like fabric in some places, an interesting and striking texture. She has an attractive figure and her scars don't detract from that, in fact they make her quite awesome to look at. (I mean 'awesome' from the literary sense, 'inspiring awe' rather than the Americanism.)

Esther said that she was "shocked by the severity of the scarring. The pain had been more than I could ever have imagined, but now it began to sink in how much my injuries had changed the way I looked as well – although I realised how lucky I was that my face and arms were pretty much unscathed." She has set out now to do something powerful with her experience and documented her recovery through photography. This includes an exhibition looking at self image and the way women see their bodies, more often focusing on their 'shortcomings rather than the beauty.'

We need more people speaking out like Esther. There are thousands of people living with differences but our culture doesn't encourage people to expose them. Our culture's high expectation of perfection and 'sameness' means those with differences can be made to feel ostracized.

Scars are the memory of experience on a person, an experience that could potentially make them a better person or live a more meaningful and appreciative life. They are (literally!) a patchwork of their hard work, a picture of their efforts to survive and to enjoy life to it's fullest.

The Guardian interview with Esther 'A study in Scarlet' click here

For Esther's photography click here

For her wedding photography click here

Early New Year Resolution

As months go on the scales are getting scarier. I have chomped my way through Chinese take-aways, truffled on chocolates and hoovered up food without a thought. When you're not feeling well you fancy sweet or stodgy foods. Then later on, you find you're just too tired to shop for lots of fresh ingredients and cook from scratch. Add a lot of rest (ok, a lack of movement) and the wobble begins to creep up behind you.

One day you wake up and...hold on! Your jeans are tight...have they just been washed? No! It's just that you're becoming more voluptuous. Let's be clear about this, a little weight gain is attractive; a bit softer around the edges is sexy. But if it continues to increase it becomes a drain on your health and your self-esteem.

I've been watching Channel 4's 'The Food Hospital' and I am amazed at the range of disorders that can be affected by diet. So far everyone who has been on it, whatever they have wrong with their health has improved to some degree by altering their diet. This got me thinking that as a burn survivor and furthermore as a burn survivor with a stubborn rash, I should probably be eating a bit more thoughtfully. Filling my soon-to-be-jiggling self with refined and fatty foods is a bit careless; I'm meant to be taking care of my ailing body!

So from yesterday I began the great diet improvement plan.

It basically involves eating lots and lots of fruit and vegetables. Instead of snacking on mince pies and biscuits (sigh) I am going to be chewing on dried fruit and nuts. I'll be roasting lots of sweet potatoes instead of chips and spreading avocados instead of butter. I really enjoy colourful food, I've just fallen out of good habits.

As we all know, it's Christmas! (Yay!) Of course I will be eating plenty of naughty festive morsels but I am hoping that upping my vitamin levels and eating cleaner, more nutritious food for a couple of weeks might give me an energy boost. I would be thrilled if my rash got vanquished by vitamin power...but I'm not too confident about that one as it has smugly survived a variety of treatments.

Better put the oven on...sweet potato wedges, sweetcorn on the cob and steak for me followed by yoghurt and raspberries tonight....yum!

De nile; a river in Egypt.

Every-time I bump into someone I haven't seen for a while I'm told how wonderful I'm doing and how 'well' I look, considering. Obviously I am very pleased about this. I don't really want people telling me I look rubbish or like I've had an accident. I did that bit over Summer and I would like to put it in a little box in my mind, never to be opened again.

There are several types of denial and I think that I might be suffering from minimisation; admitting the fact but denying it's seriousness. When I discuss the event with people I can hear myself downplaying the horror of what has happened. It can lead to cognitive distortion, one part of this would be downplaying a trauma in order to avoid worry for yourself or others. Surely though, this can be a positive thing? Who wants to listen to someone's sob story again and again? And feeling too sorry for yourself can inhibit action and moving on.

I have adopted a 'get on with it and don't dwell on it' attitude and this has meant I can carry on with my life as normally as possible. I have wondered if I might be missing the stages I should be going through but perhaps I will avoid all that drama.

Mostly I am severely irritated by this stupid accident. It was really ridiculous and shouldn't have happened. (Perhaps this is my anger stage...) I love my life, I'm young, I have a job I love and friends and family around me. I have a busy and exciting social life and a fantastic boyfriend. I have worked really hard to get all these things and just as they line up...this happened! It's in the way of the life I want to live. I just want to forget it. Deny it! Minimise it! And continue to live life as before.

This is very difficult though. I've become a different person and this often surfaces in my mind. I don't think most people would notice but I notice it myself. I can't be as spontaneous as I was before, for example I can't go out partying all night, I get too tired. I can't be as carefree because I am reminded of what has happened and I have to look after myself more now.

Ideally, I will never feel long term misery over this incident. Minimising what has happened doesn't minimise the reality of it; the events and aftermath will be forever engraved in my memory and I make light of them in order to get on with my life. If I didn't, perhaps I would struggle to cope. I think that this is a useful defence mechanism for me and as long as I don't overlook any strong feelings I have otherwise, I can't see why I shouldn't keep up this attitude. Long live denial!

It's good to talk...or write.

I know that counselling works. I've seen the statistics and I'm under no illusions that talking through things helps. Still, I can't get on with counselling so I've been referred to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

I don't know how many of you reading have had counselling, probably more than I think! Perhaps it has suited some of you. Unfortunately I find it irritating and unhelpful. It gets on my nerves, revisiting the same old issues, ones that can't be changed. I've had an accident, there are scars on my arm now, it's not the same. I have no choice is this matter, so questioning me is not going to help me.

Counsellor: So how are you feeling about things?

Me: A bit rubbish.

Counseller: And why do you think that might be?

Me: Um, because I got set on fire?

I can never think of anything to ask the counsellor, so it became pretty much a one way conversation. And it was depressing. Let's spend the next hour discussing the worst moment of my life. (I almost added 'so far' here but resisted. This better be the worst!)

I'm hoping that CBT will be a bit more 'hands on' and look at solving issues rather than discussing them.

I was reading in my Psychologies magazine this month about 'how writing can help you heal.' Apparently James Pennebaker, Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas did an experiment in the 1980s, getting his students to write down their feelings about an emotional upheaval for 15 to 20 minutes a day for 4 days. The students reported feeling better in a number of ways. Pennebaker went on to research this approach and found an improvement in a wide range of ailments from depression to asthma. He also found his subjects' immune systems were boosted and they visited their Doctors less often.

He believes that our minds are designed to try to understand and process things. Therefore writing down our thoughts and experiences helps to sift through them. Expressing them can help us make sense of trauma and cope more effectively.

Of course, that fits perfectly in with my blog. This has definitely helped me out more than traditional counselling!

Make up update, new products, new tips

Since my accident I have been using Dermablend by Vichy to cover up the red marks and (minor but still there) scars on my face. 3 months after that fateful day I went to a Red Cross make-up lesson and was prescribed some make-up on the NHS. I was dubious about this. Prescription make-up on the NHS would be the poor cousin of expensive, fully priced, advertised cosmetics...right? WRONG!

The prescription make-up is Fabulous with a capital F.

DERMA COLOR CAMOUFLAGE CREME AND FIXING POWDER


DERMA COLOR CREME - HOW TO USE

Derma color creme doesn't look easy to use. It is a solid block of colour set inside a pot. I can promise that once you have the knack, you will have flawless skin.

1. You need to apply this creme with a sponge. I have been using a little piece of natural sponge as advised by Red Cross. Before using, damp the sponge under running water and then squeeze it in a towel. This will stop it being too wet, otherwise it won't work as well. (Learnt from experience.)

2. Dig your fingernail in the pot of creme (away from you so it doesn't go under your nail and just sits on top of it!) and get a little out. Take a small amount at a time. Wipe/dab it on the back of your hand, the opposite hand that you will use to apply it.

Amazingly, as soon as the creme hits the back of your hand and gets warm, it turns fluid!

3. Press your sponge on the creme on the back of your hand. Then press and roll the sponge on your face, starting from the nose outwards. You can also dab the sponge firmly on your face in harder to cover areas.

4. Make sure you blend at the sides of your face!

5. Wipe the sponge down each side of your nose.

I usually need to take a little 'dig' out of the pot for each cheek, one for my chin and one for my forehead.

6. After this, you should have a natural colour building up on your face. You shouldn't need much else! However, I do cover and blend the redder areas by using the Dermablend by Vichy Concealer stick that I bought from Boots. (See earlier post.)

DERMA COLOR FIXING POWDER-HOW TO USE

The fixing powder is interesting. I would like to know who created this impossible-to-use pot. Unfortunately it goes everywhere, a waste of product and a waste of money for the NHS! It really is a terrible design compared to the Vichy pot. There are many, many bronzers and loose powders out there, all in perfectly usable pots. So why the Derma color people decided upon this one in their camouflage board room, I have no idea. If I come up with a solution to limit it's scattering tendencies, I'll let you know!

1. You can use a powder puff but I don't have one so I've been using cotton wool pads.

2. Load up the pads with the powder and simply dab it all over your face, paying extra attention to the areas that have the most coverage on. Then you can go back and press the powder gently into your face. Don't be rough, you don't want to dislodge the make-up.

3. LEAVE FOR AT LEAST 10 MINUTES! Don't rush this process!

4. AFTER AT LEAST 10 MINUTES! Use a large brush to dust the powder off, very lightly. You will find that most of it has been absorbed.

5. Delicately add on your normal blusher and the rest of your make-up.

This company say that the make-up has NEVER caused an allergic reaction in anyone. I do think that this make-up seems to cause me less irritation than the Vichy one. It has also caused me less little 'blisters' or 'spots' under my chin but this could be because my skin is healed more now.

They also claim that the make-up is waterproof. While I can't vouch for this exactly, I have been swimming in it. I was slightly splashed in the face and it didn't budge one bit.

It also says in the instructions that you won't need to re-apply it at any time. Although it lasts a long time, you might want to re-powder during the day as it can go a bit shiny. The company do a pre-make-up cleanser for oily skin should you be having trouble with the longevity of the make-up. I think you would need to ask your doctor or Red Cross consultant if you wanted to use this.

They also make skin 'plastic' for very uneven skin. Although I don't need to use this myself, I think it would be another amazing product.

To get the make-up off I have been using Clinque Cleansing Balm and then a face wash but the Red Cross consultants used Aqueous cream....much cheaper!

You definitely need patience with this make-up but it is worth it.

PTSD - not all wounds are visible

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was something I studied in Psychology at College, not something I thought I would ever suffer from. Yet recently I was diagnosed with mild symptoms of the disorder and have been referred to a type of therapy known as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. This is to minimise the chance of developing anxieties or phobias linked to the accident and 'trauma' suffered.

We know more about PTSD nowadays because lots of soldiers coming back from war will suffer from it due to the terrible experiences they have had. It is important to treat people after trauma in a timely fashion to stop the disorder eating them up and taking away their ability to live a fulfilled life. It can also lead to other problems such as alcohol dependency, depression and an inability to cope.

Although I've been told some of the symptoms I am experiencing are part of the disorder, I feel that most people who have suffered a trauma would display these feelings or behaviours. PTSD can be diagnosed if these symptoms are still prevalent after 6 weeks but I do feel that some of these may persist for months or longer. I think having a significant accident may make you always feel differently towards certain things.

An example would be strong, uncomfortable feelings related to situations related to the event. I am probably always going to be nervous around BBQs, bonfires and other sources of open flame or fire. I'm not sure these 'strong, uncomfortable feelings' will go away after 6 weeks. I'm not sure they will go away at all!

I am quite 'hyper-vigilant' but am hoping this will lessen over time. Apparently this is something that CBT will help with. Bright, electrical lights startle me, like gas flames or fireworks. When the fish-tank light came on the other night, I jumped out my seat! I also see accidents everywhere but I think this will lessen too. It's early days still.

I have also had palpitations a few times and can suddenly feel my heart pound in my chest. I constantly check for fire exits, refuse to get into lifts or move the oven gloves away from the hanging on the oven door!

I'm really pleased that I am being referred to CBT as although I think I'm doing really well in my recovery I'd hate to miss something and it escalate into an irrational fear. It's better to act early. As resilient as I am, I still need support to make sure I recover from this ordeal as well as I can.

The person who has had the accident needs to take action themselves but others can also help them by acting appropriately. If you know someone who has had an accident or trauma, follow this advice from the Royal College of Psychiatrists. There is nothing worse than people telling you how lucky you are! Believe me!

Do…….
*watch out for any changes in behaviour – poor performance at work, lateness, taking sick leave, minor accidents
*watch for anger, irritability, depression, lack of interest, lack of concentration
*take time to allow a trauma survivor to tell their story
*ask general questions
*let them talk, don’t interrupt the flow or come back with your own experiences.

Don’t …….
*tell a survivor you know how they feel – you don’t
*tell a survivor they’re lucky to be alive – it doesn't feel like that to them
*minimise their experience – “it’s not that bad, surely …”
*suggest that they just need to "pull themselves together".

Further information can be found on the Royal College of Psychiatrists website.

Something to watch; Halie's secrets video

I came across this video on Halie and Contessa's website and I've posted it because I think it silently says VOLUMES.

Have a watch and have a read of their site.

Bullying is not acceptable! Think before you speak.

Click here for Halie's secrets video about being burned

Click here for Halie and Contessa's website F**K yeah burn survivors

Halie talking about being a burn survivor

Halie talking about her 'burn-iversary'

Spa.....ahhhhh!

For anyone recovering from an accident I would recommend going to a spa. In fact, I'd recommend it to anyone, recovering or not!

I went to Lifehouse in Frinton.



The Magic Faraway Tree!

Lifehouse has 130 acres of Enid Blyton style gardens...just beautiful. Miniature waterfalls, Harry Potter style whomping willows and lakes upon lakes of lilly-strewn waters. At this time of year the trees shone with russets, mahogany and golds. The mossy grass was thick with crispy leaves and crunchy with pine cones. Here and there were clumps of toadstools; almost complete with fairies!



Treatments

My man had a back massage and facial which, although a little girlie, he enjoyed. Although this came with the package as standard, they changed mine to a 'fabulous pins' treatment. And it was fabulous!

I had my legs massaged and exfoliated and then my scalp massaged; it was wonderful. The therapist said my little toe was 'crunchy' and asked if the burn was on my right shoulder...which it is! She said this was showing up in my feet and recommended reflexology. If you go to a spa I would definitely suggest asking for a treatment that is entirely suitable for you and your current injuries rather than adapting a treatment and trying to avoid areas. Otherwise it won't be relaxing as you will be worrying that you might get caught in a sensitive area.

Swimming

I found this more difficult than I thought I would initially and didn't go in on the first day. When I got back to the room I had a comment from http://www.esthersabetpour.com/ and it made me feel completely differently. Her photography really reveals what it is like to be in our situation. Esther has a beautiful face and body, albeit some areas now different to the ones she was born with. Her comment came at just the right time for me, thank you!

I strutted my stuff around the poolside, went in the jacuzzi (top half out because of the heat) and didn't shy away at all. I was surprised to find people barely looked at me. A couple of people glanced across me but didn't stare. All in all, it was a very positive experience.



And the rest...

The spa had several amazing massage chairs so even if you weren't scheduled in for a treatment you could go and get some relaxation. I also really enjoyed the meditation class that we took. I think I might look into this to help with my recovery.

I felt relaxed for the first time in a long time. Fantastic!

It's been 4 months...

Doesn't time fly....(Thank God)

Since that terrible day, I have come so far. It's only been four months! So far I have gone from being unable to walk or so anything for myself to taking steps towards recovery.

Baring it all in the Swimming Pool...

I'm really looking forward to this week because I am going to a spa with my Man for 2 days. The Spa http://www.lifehouse.co.uk/ have been really accommodating, they changed the offered treatment to a 'Fabulous Pins' because I can't have upper body massages or facials.

The one thing that is a little nerve-racking is...SWIMMING.

I have bought a kaftan to wear over my bikini so that I am not entirely on show but when I decide to get in the pool I know people will have a look. It's natural for them to, after all, I look as though I have been in a terrible accident.

One of the reasons I have decided to brave it and not obsess (too much) is that I have a nice figure from miles of running and I have never been that self-conscious in swimwear. However, I know when I'm older and have had children or put on some weight, I will feel more self-conscious. People do. Surely, this feels the same as I do now? Although it's a different circumstance, it's similar to anyone with stretch-marks, cellulite or extra weight. They are all worrying that people might be looking at them and thinking they look less than perfect. Well, thanks to this accident I am less than perfect and at 26 years old I was going to start becoming less than perfect anyway. Goodbye twenties! A body well preserved probably hasn't experienced much (babies, red-wine, too much chocolate) and so has probably missed out in a roundabout way.

I don't intend to put up with rude people or 'starers,' (come on people, your brain controls your eyes dontcha know) but I don't see why I should hide myself away.
I am young, attractive and slightly less than perfect now but I don't think I should be made to feel ugly or freakish.

On the plus side...I am mostly looking forward to spending time with my Man and eating salted caramel ice-cream, the most delicious dessert that I rarely find on menus.

Wedding Dresses - Covered up Shoulders, arms, chest

Wedding Dresses - Covered up Shoulders, arms, chest by phoenixrisingfromtheashes7510 featuring beaded gowns

Sleeveless dress
$399 - weddingdressdiscount.com

The Year of the Engagement

This year or more precisely this month, I have seen a flurry of engagements happening among my social group. All very exciting, there is nothing better than a good wedding and seeing your friends-in-love get hitched. One of my girls invited me to go to a wedding dress fitting with her as she is not sure what type of dress she wants to go for. Who knew there were so many 'looks' for a bride? Elegant, glamourous, understated, pretty, romantic, classic, alternative...after the dress fitter had finished her list we couldn't remember where she had started. Then my friend pointed at a sparkly, lace number and said, 'that one.' Dress picking at it's most refined.

Looking at all the dresses made me realise I can't wear any of your average styles for at least 2 years, should I want to. The dresses left expanses of shoulders, chest, arms....all a no-no for me at the moment and possibly, let's face it, forever. Although extremely happy for my friend sweeping about in a dress of epic corsetry, the only sweep for me was the one of frustration and angst that came over me.

I decided to get to work on Google and see what I could find that would be suitable for someone with injuries on the upper parts of their body. I deduced that yes, there are dresses that are both pretty (elegant, understated, glamourous etc...!) and covered up. Most of the dresses I have featured in the following post are not entirely suitable for me, so a dress-maker would probably be needed to select and combine elements (start saving now!) But there is no realise why covered-up has to be boring or overly 'monarch' looking.

So, please see wedding dresses galore on the next post, all a bit unconventional but stunning. I have my eye on the entirely backless one with sleeves...

It's the small things that brighten your day.

Since my accident hair washing has become a time-consuming, arm-achingly slow chore.

It seems like such a small thing but people like me keep dry shampoo in business...it is simply too exhausting to keep washing your hair.

Luckily for me, I used to work in a hair salon 10 years ago and I made some wonderful friends. It's one of these friends, mentioned in an earlier post, who made a silk fringe out of my singed hair.

Today I popped in after they invited me for a hair wash...I washed it once this week and couldn't bear to do it again! No appointment necessary, just the promise of a wash and go, whenever it suited me. (And some lovely Moroccan oil too!)

I'd like to say thank-you to the salon for all the support and kind words since this has happened. It's generosity like this that makes the world keep turning.



P.S Just in case...it's invaluable! http://www.batistehair.co.uk/

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MUM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM!

Carry on Doctor!

Yes we know you're busy and the NHS is over-stretched...but what's happened to bedside manner?

Doc: Hi, what can I do for you?

Me : Hi, I'm here to update my sick note, I had an accident in July?

Doc: Ok....

Me: Um....have you read about it? It happened on the 22nd July.

(Doc gets flustered now, starts scrolling manically through my notes, hovering around 22nd September)

Doc: Let me see, let me see. Nothing here. Um, 22nd, 22nd....nothing! There's nothing here.

Me: 22nd July....no...July, that's September.

(Still looking at September intently, as though it might spontaneously change into July)

Doc: No nothing here. So, what happened?

(I explain here, as briefly as possible. I don't mince my words. Doctor looks perturbed.)

Doc: Oh dear.

(Scrolls up...)

Doc: Oh, the 22nd July. I was looking at September. Sorry....



EVERY TIME!

I've been to the same practice numerous times and each time they haven't read my notes prior to my arrival. Each occasion I prompt them to do so and they spend a few essential minutes catching up with my distressing history. A couple of times, like today, they ask me to relive it.



At the moment people look very surprised, Doctor included, when I tell them what's happened. The make-up and the skillful dressing is working. I look 'normal.' I warn them if only they could see under the clothes...

Because I look 'normal,' people are not being very careful with what they say, such as Doctor this afternoon. I look ok, so I must be ok, right?

Apparently if you're traumatised, you should look traumatised. You shouldn't wear nice clothes, put make-up on and get on with business as usual. You should stop everything: cry a lot; wear a baggy tracksuit and stop washing your hair.

I have become a master of disguise. It is just that; a disguise. Under the disguise, I am a 26 year old who has had a disfiguring and traumatic accident.

Imperfection = Individuality

P hysical
E nnui.
R eplications.
F orcing
E rasure of
C harming
T raits.

The hardest step yet....

After all I've been through, I thought today would be easier. Just another small step on the path of recovery; going back to the site of the accident. However, I couldn't even go near the specific area. About three hours before I was due to leave, I begun to feel really sick. This isn't something that usually happens to me and I didn't realise I was going to be so stressed. Once I got in the car I had another mini-freak out; I had to wait until I was calm before I could leave.

At the site, I met one of my closest friends, who helped me with the situation. She was really supportive and she took me around. I couldn't stay too long, it was too much! So I then came home.

I don't want to go into lots of details about it this experience but I feel both proud of myself and completely drained. I underestimated how hard it would be. If you are going back to a location then make sure you take someone very supportive with you and choose your time wisely.

Now, I am going to sit and watch T.V and have a glass of red wine. (And a pint of water to balance it out!)

To anyone choosing compression vest colours....

Just a quick note...

I choose to have my first compression vest made in a nude as I thought it would look less conspicuous under clothes. (I was basing this on my experience of nude underwear. Logical, right?) What a mistake! The neckline shows under anything but a roll-neck so I have to wear scarves. If anyone gets a glimpse it really looks like the medical accessory it is. Compression vest choice - FAIL!

I ordered my second vest in black, with black stitching. From now on I will order black, perhaps one white for lighter clothes. The black blends in with your neckline and just looks like an undershirt. If you let it show, it just looks like part of your outfit.

Gym bunny

Keeping fit is important. It should be an integral part of people's lives. Despite this it's often the one thing that slips off the agenda because people are too busy. Or, they are so unfit they don't know where to start! I am convinced that one of the reasons my body has been able to cope as it has with this accident, my 'setback,' is because I was already quite fit. Although it's still been devastating and I've been very tired, I think I would have found myself struggling even more should I have not maintained my fitness over the years.

Enjoying exercise is both positive and negative after an accident. Of course it's good for you, it will help you to rehabilitate, build up your stamina, keep you upbeat and help control your weight while you aren't leading your normal day-to-day life. On the negative side, it is hard to accept that you can't do what you did before and that it's very easy to over-do it, therefore setting you back even more.

As I used to run several times a week and walk to and from work, I am feeling the cabin fever. Sitting and watching TV is a reward, if I've had a busy day. I find it hard to enjoy otherwise. For the first few months, all I could do was sit on the sofa. My only walking was going upstairs to lay down there instead! I haven't been able to do anything. After my skin graft I couldn't walk for several weeks. It really has been slow progress.

Still, progress has been made and I'm keen to build my stamina further. A few months back, I checked out the local gyms. I chose the most laid-back, relaxing gym in the area. It has a swimming pool which I hope to use once the rash has left the building and many classes. As it's more expensive, it has an older clientele. This works for me, as there are no 'pumping beats' and crazy weightlifters, just a very large, open gym in calming tones of blue and purple. If you're looking for a gym, ask if they have experience in accident or injury rehabilitation. This one does, so I feel much less self-conscious.

Initially I was convinced I would go everyday. I don't know what possessed me to the think this, probably because I would normally be able to manage it.

Firstly, I consulted a personal trainer. She was very nice but her overall advice was simple, 'listen to your body.' She said there would be no point in giving me a fitness plan in the early stages, as I was trying to build up stamina. She said they would push most people until they were worn out. With me, there would be no pushing, just gentle, regular exercise.

Most of this session was chatting, so I thought I was fine to go to Yoga the next day. Oh dear!

It was much too strenuous for me and although I took it very easy, I felt very light-headed. By the time I had got home, I wasn't feeling too great. By the evening, I felt terrible. My Mum came to get me and I went to the Doctors the next day and was prescribed...antibiotics for a kidney infection. No fun.

Obviously I had overdone it already! With Yoga? It just goes to show that you need to choose your classes wisely. I must admit, it has put me off going back. So I have been paying out for a very expensive membership that I have been ignoring! Until last week. It has been about a month since the kidney issue and my voice has returned, so I decided it was time to give it another go.

I did a Zumba class, as I love dancing and thought it would be uplifting too. You can do it at your own pace. Although it sounds more energetic than Yoga, I actually found it less of a strain. I told the instructor's about my position, so they wouldn't mind if I have to leave or go and have a little sit down. Zumba was excellent! I managed the class, although I drank a litre of water and had to really slow it down about halfway through. I took the rest of the day slowly and nothing bad happened! I was tired but I didn't feel poorly. A breakthrough!

I am definitely going again this week and hopefully it will be just as good. If you can afford it I would say joining a gym long-term is a good move. You might have to drive there and back even if it's close-by, in case you are too worn out to walk home.

Whatever you do, don't over-do it!

A small step for most, a giant leap for PhoenixRising!

Today is a very significant day. I am going to meet some people who saw my accident. This is very brave of me because I hate people seeing me in vulnerable positions and I haven't seen them since it happened. But it is time!

SO

It actually went very well. People greeted me and asked me about how I was. I tried to give positive answers and summarise what has been happening and how I've been feeling. After all, I don't know these people really well. When people ask, 'how are you?' It is best to remember that this is a rhetorical question, a gesture of politeness. They don't want to hear your life story and the ins and outs of your day. Especially when most of your day revolves around what's on T.V.

If you start to complain about how depressed you are; you will feel more depressed! Best to focus on the positives, however small!

Slowly we all slipped back into the type of chat we would normally have, what people had been up to and what they were doing at the weekend. It felt as if nothing had ever happened. A very nice feeling! This is a strong step forward for me. The next step is going back to the site where it happened...next week. This is more of a worry for me, I don't know how I will feel.

A small step at a time....

An unusual saviour....

I originally used Salvon when someone dropped an WW1 steel trench helmet on my foot and ripped up my nail bed and I lost my toenail. (Are you squirming???)

It was incredibly sore and painful and I was worried about infection. I cleaned it twice a day with a Tesco antiseptic wipe and then put on Salvon and a bandage. Although it was sore for ages and ages, I didn't have any further issues.

So, as 'the rash' continues to live on, waving it's red flag of victory, I decided to use exactly the same system that I used during the toenail situation. As it is only a 'staph' rash, basically disrupted, upset skin, Salvon seemed the perfect solution.

Twice a day, I've been washing the affected area, using a Tesco antiseptic wipe and a thin layer of Salvon.

Despite the 6 topical creams and 3 lots of antibiotics...it is an off the shelf antiseptic cream that has had the most effect! The rash hasn't spread and it has gone down significantly. It is still there but it's not as angry and it even looks as though the patches might have shrunk a bit! I've been using it about 3 weeks, a reasonable length of time but it looks positive. So I shall continue!

I have also been putting it on my face, very thinly, especially on the angry part under my chin. It has made such a difference over the last few days.

Obviously, if you are going to use Salvon or any other cream you should be very careful because you don't want to have a reaction to it. Perhaps use it on a non-burned or irritated patch first to check you won't have any issues with it.

But.....YAY SALVON!


http://www.savlon.co.uk/products/antiseptic_cream.html

RECOVERY - VERB - To return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength. To get back; to regain.

People ask me every day, 'how are you recovering?'

The word 'recovery' itself is a verb, an action but people use it as a passive term. I know people say silly things because they don't know what else to say but comments like 'it must get boring, sitting at home all day!' Make me realise they don't really understand what recovery is. And why would they? If I hadn't had an accident and be experiencing the recovery process then I would be the same!

It is a process, one of trial and error. It may appear you are sitting at home all day but really you are getting to grips with getting showered and dressed; then you're too tired to do anything else. It is a process of building up even the simplest of things.

The most difficult question about recovery is the one you ask yourself, every day. When will I feel normal again? When will I be 'recovered', emotionally and physically? Once the initial wounds are healed, especially the very visible ones, people begin to assume you are 'better.' You might go out and see people and they look at you differently now; you don't look ill or weak after all. They don't see you before you are 'disguised' though; they don't see you after the meeting when you have to lay down.

One of the most difficult things about a burn recovery is the time frame and the uncertainty. You break a leg, you're in plaster for X amount of months. You have a knee ligament operation, you rest for 6 weeks. With burns, no one will give you any answers. All skin is different. They will educate you in scar management and you do everything they say to help you minimise the damage. Until 2 years (the magic term) passes, they won't give you any other indication.

If, like me, you like being in control, this really is the pits! Having your body suddenly dictate what you can and can't do is difficult. This was a body that used to run several miles a week, who now feels tired after walking to the town centre and back. (I live in the town centre!) This was a mind of steel which suddenly feels fragile. This was a demeanor of ultimate control and professional conduct who now runs off if it see flames or hear fireworks.

To keep some control, I have kept several diaries. I have written a diary since the age of 5 and so I continue with that diary. I write this blog. I also have kept a diary purely of how I am feeling day to day and what I have done, very factual and medical. All these help me to look at the incident objectively, from a writer's perspective.

I have also kept a photo diary. Now this is really important. No one likes taking pictures of their injuries but it really does make you feel better to see improvements. My chest is still livid red. Yet looking at the photos you can see it used to be an open wound, it used to be a larger patch, 3 weeks ago it was even more livid red! It's hard to see it improving when you see it every day and photos really help with this. You can also show them to people who aren't sure why you still aren't at work...after all...you 'look ok.'

Another idea that has helped me has been organising my day so I am doing something every day. This has helped build up my stamina although it's trial and error; I sometimes massively over-estimate myself and suffer afterwards. It is also distracting to be doing things.

Choosing key dates and working towards them has been important. For example, I chose the date to come back to my flat and start to live independently. I did this a little too early and had to go home to my Mum's again for a week but the precedent had been set and I went back shortly after. I also chose a date to go to the gym again and a date to start seeing colleagues again. This way things are always moving forward. I couldn't do this initially when I was very sick but there came a time in the recovery process when this was a perfect technique. The dates are flexible, if they arrive and they haven't quite worked out, reschedule!

To all the people who are recovering; you must remember that this is your journey, your process and no one else has a say in it. Listen to opinions but know it is your body and your mind and you have the final decision. Do try and help yourself. My counsellor told me think about the advice I'd give my best friend in this situation; then take it myself. We are often kinder to our friends than ourselves.

One of the looming questions that hangs over us is, 'when will I be ready to work again?' I love my job, it is an all-encompassing job and many of my good friends come from work. Yet, despite this, I couldn't even think of work or consider coming back for many months. All of a sudden, one day, I found I had started to think about work. This was an important step in the process. Just thinking about it! I'm taking minute steps towards going back which to others might seem ridiculous but are very reassuring to me. I'm sure as time goes on I'll take bigger and more significant steps.

Despite all the knock-backs and irritations that I have faced and am facing during this process I try to be aware that it is a process. By definition, all processes have ends. The end of mine is what I focus on. The worst has happened to me now. Yes, I am going to have issues with scars and I am going to have emotional baggage collected along the way but like any nightmare, there is an end. Here's to recovery!

It's darker just before the dawn.

Revelations

Did my life flash before my eyes?

No.

Am I re-evaluating my life?

No.

Can I suddenly see how lucky I am?

Yes.

The greatest revelation has been just how much I love my life and the people in it. It has surprised me how proud I am of the life I have constructed for myself and the choices I have made to get here.

It sounds ridiculous and a bit short-sighted of me but I never really knew how important it was to have people around you that would do anything to make you feel better and look after you. I'm very lucky that these people extend not only to my family but to my man and my friends.

Most people talk about all the things they want to do after a 'close-call.' There are still lots of things I want to do but mostly there are things I'm glad I've done already. I'm glad I've chosen to take the opportunities that have come my way and made the most of my life everyday. I've chosen to surround myself by positive and lovely people, I strive to be the best at my job and I'm pleased with where it's taken me.

Of course there are some things that will be different for me now! I will always be more cautious. I don't like fireworks or bright flashes. I'm nervous of lifts, christmas lights and enclosed spaces and I dislike things that heat up: ovens; kettles; hairdryers; microwaves...I think I will always hate flames. No more cosy fires for me!

On a more personal note, I don't think I will waste as much time anymore. It has become more precious. I have always made decisions and changed things I don't like but I think now it will take me less time to get around to the right decision.

I think I am less likely to take things for granted. Examples would be my face, I used to complain a lot about my skin when really, it was lovely. I also complained about my figure, despite being fit and healthy from running a lot. Since having this accident, I am always going to feel kinder towards myself!

Of course I'm only human so I am sure I will become unappreciative again...sometime. But right now, I can appreciate the life I had and I want it back!

How to make each day feel successful and productive.

Being at home, alone, can be depressing. If you would usually be at work, then you might find you have temporarily lost that sense of being productive. You are not socialising with anyone or exercising. You are probably, like me, very tired.

Depending on the stage of your recovery depends on what you can and should do. You shouldn't let anyone make you feel lazy if you need to rest or stay in bed all day. However, once you are at the stage that you can move around effectively and walk without support, you do need to be building up your life again.

Other people need to help you but you also need to help yourself. When I'm feeling useless and miserable I remind myself of this; if I don't help myself, nothing is going to change. The days will blur endlessly into one and I will lose sense of who I am.

I have come up with a plan to make my days feel effective and productive. It does vary and so will your plan but it gives me some control over the day-today happenings of my life. If I go out to an event (for example, my Mum's 50th) then I will have 3 days after it that I don't do much at all. I might not leave the sofa. This 'recovery' time is added into 'the plan.' I'm allowed to do it. It's not lazy, it's necessary and it's scheduled!

Having a routine really helps too. It helps you enjoy what you are doing instead of feeling you are being lazy or non-productive. An example would be watching a film. If I have planned it, I am not just lazing around watching TV. I am watching a film for a certain amount of time then I will switch activity. You don't get bored and glaze over. You can do a variety of things each day, look forward to them and enjoy them. It also seems to help my body expect what is coming next, making waking up and getting dressed easier and easier. Less of an effort!

Plan

1. Wake up at roughly the same time each day. For me, this has evened out about 9am.

2. I don't feel great when I wake up. Sometimes I feel downright rough! So I get my breakfast (usually toast or yogurt and cereal, not biscuits) and a cup of tea, grab my computer/a book and head back to bed. The key here is not to go back to sleep. If you get up and later find yourself tired, you can go and lie down. If you just keep turning over and going back to sleep there is a danger the day will vanish and you won't be able to sleep at night...so you'll be tired in the morning. Dangerous circle.

3. I get up NO LATER than 11am. This depends on the daily decision. If my show is good or I'm watching a couple of episodes then I don't rush myself...but I am aware that 11am is the time to get up.

4. I get ready. This can take 2 hours with the massaging and getting clean, the creams and the make-up. I only put the make-up on if I am going somewhere particular, if I'm going to the shops then I don't bother. It gives me spots! I do get dressed straight away and I try to wear something reasonably nice - not just tracksuit bottoms. It does make a big difference. I still choose comfortable clothes though, such as jeans and a jumper with a scarf or leggings and a jumper dress. Just don't dress like you are going to stay indoors and see no-one.

5. The Daily Decision
If I haven't scheduled in rest time, then I have to think about 'The Daily Decision.' I have created this to give my day purpose. It's normally in the afternoon when I'm at my best and I plan my week ahead on Sunday. It could be something fun or something that has to be done. Examples from this week and last week are:

*Spent 1 hour (give it a time limit initially so you don't overdo it) in the Supermarket getting food.

*Took myself to see 'The Lion King' in 3D at the cinema. (10 minute walk each way)

*Walked to the town to take my mail to the Post Office. (30 mins round trip - tiring!)

*Walked to Costa and had a coffee and read a magazine. (10 minute walk each way)

*Hoovered 3 of the rooms in the flat. (Again, overall time limit or prioritize rooms so you don't overdo it.)

Other things I do...walk to the shop and choose what shops I want to go to so I don't get too tired to get back, meet someone for lunch, clean the bathroom, go to the circus (!) invite someone over, go for a drive somewhere.

Next week I am considering going to the gym one day, for a specified time limit. Once my voice has returned fully!

6. Once you have completed your Daily Decision, whatever it may be, you've had a successful day! You might need to rest after it, you might need to lay down. You've done it though, you've been out, seen the world still at work, perhaps you spoke to someone (even ordering coffee counts!) or perhaps you completed a household chore that needed doing. Anyway, something got DONE. That's what counts! It makes a big difference to be able to answer the question, 'what did you do today?'

7. After you have spent a few weeks on the Daily Decision plan, you might feel ready to start splitting your day into chunks. Now I'm not sleeping so much, I have more time. In the morning I spend time until 11am catching up on TV shows my man hates, or perhaps reading. After that, I write a list of the things I would like to do or that need to get done today. I will usually complete at least two of them. Ideally three but it's not the end of the world if I can't make myself do more. This helps me keep on top of things like finances and other personal admin that doesn't stop just because you don't feel like it. I will usually do these after I have completed my Daily Decision.

The list isn't normally things that take physical effort but things that I have to push myself mentally to do. They are boring or I dislike doing them. I would dislike them normally but after an accident you do lose lots of your mojo. It makes it difficult to be productive. The less you do though; the less you want to do.

A couple of weeks ago the Daily Decision was enough for me. I'd come home and sleep. Now though, I am trying to get my stamina up and the list is a gentle way to help it improve!

After my Daily Decision is complete, I get a cup of tea, plonk myself on the sofa, a bit tired out and look at the list. If I was very tired, I'd turn on the TV and lay down, like I did after the Circus. Listen to your body! But say I feel O.K, just a normal (!) level of tiredness. I want to read a book and really enjoy it without feeling lazy or I want to watch 'Come Dine with Me.' So I look at my list and choose a couple of things to get done. for example: ring the tax office and order my contact lenses.

Today I was just too tired to go out. I went to the cinema yesterday and to the supermarket on Monday, so I just turned to my list. Today I called the dentist and booked my spa retreat. (It doesn't have to be all bad things, just things to do!) I put on some washing (so necessary!) and am writing this blog entry. After I have crossed these things off my list I will do absolutely nothing else.

Even without going out, I have got things done.

If you start with this simple plan:

1) Wake up and have breakfast.
2) Get up. (Different from waking up.)
3) Choose your Daily Decision (if you haven't already!) or look at your list. Choose to do one or the other. Only both if you're feeling up to it!
4) Get dressed.
5) Complete your Daily Decision or your list items.
6) Rest and do whatever you like!

You will find you can stay on top of things and break your day up. You won't need to plan in a lot as you will probably find that things take you much longer to complete as you are a bit out of tune with your body. Initially it is difficult to find activities...so I've suggested some below!

Don't overdo it, do a little at a time and take it from there. At the moment I am doing an Daily Decision that requires leaving the flat about three times a week. This just means I don't get cabin fever or get a bit weird sitting in with my own company day in, day out. The rest of the time it's things I can do from the sofa or small housework tasks.

Tomorrow I am driving to pick up my contact lenses, buying stamps and starting a story I've wanted to write for some time. These are my only tasks on the list but it gives me an aim to my day!

Don't just sit in watching Jeremy Kyle (unless you really love it...) Humans are sociable creatures who need purpose. Try to find things that you can do. If you are unable to walk unaided you might need to be selective about what you do, perhaps try splitting your time into manageable chunks in the day and switching activities every hour or two hours to stop yourself getting bored. Talk to your neighbours- maybe one nearby might pop over for coffee once a week? If you feel self-conscious because you can't cover your injuries (I'm lucky I can) perhaps take someone with you to begin with. The cinema in the day is a good activity as it is very quiet and dark, so you might prefer it.

Activities

If you want to stay in:

- Make yourself a really nice nutritious lunch
- Invite someone round
- Watch a film
- Choose a genre of books or author you have always wanted to read and start getting through them!
- Write a diary
- Write a blog (link mine to it!)
- Make a scrapbook
- Take up painting/sewing/knitting...
- Do some exercise indoors e.g. stretching
- Organise something (photos, wardrobe, herb shelf, alcohol cabinet, magazine collection, DVDs....)
- Phone someone up
- Start researching something you've always been interested in
- Internet shopping
- Forums
- A household chore (necessary and tiresome)
- Drawing
- Practise with your make-up
- Have a look in your wardrobe and choose what is good to wear these days (throw out or pack away things not suitable at the moment, you don't want to have to see them every day)


Going out, choose your times wisely so it is quieter for you:
- A walk!
- Cinema
- Garden centre (often do nice cream teas and are quiet and relaxing places)
- Massage on an area that is ok; for me reflexology is a good idea
- Gym (careful with this, don't do so much you can't get home)
- Get a coffee
- Buy a magazine or a book and go home to read it
- Meet someone for lunch
- Go to your local church cafe or service (even if you're not religious they are usually very welcoming and good company)
- Hairdressers (often will come to your house too)
- Supermarket (necessary and tiresome)
- Go to a charity shop and buy some books (usually small and friendly places)
- Local museum (likely to be quiet and reasonably empty unless you live in a Capital City)

Let me know in the comments box if you have any suggestions of things you like to do that might be added, especially things that don't cost a lot of money or are free.