Empathy - a blessing and a curse.

Recently I have had an influx of comments from people reading my blog.  These have come through texts, inbox messages and face to face feedback.  It seems that I have amassed so much experience on this blog that even people who have not had an accident or a burn are finding something to relate to.  This is good.  This is the reason I started to blog.  One of the internet's most worthy powers is it's ability to connect people with those who have been there, done that and worn the compression vest.

Empathy basically means that you can recognise the feelings that someone else is experiencing.  It is different to sympathy.  Sympathy is concern for another's well-being but doesn't hinge on sharing experience or emotion.  Empathy is of extreme importance to society as we need to understand what others have been through and what they are feeling in order to identify with them.  Once we identify with someone and then a group of someones, we are much more likely to build a community centred around them.  If we can't identify with someone, we may shun them as an outcast.

People have begun to contact me because they recognise a number of things I have written about: medical procedures; having counselling or living with metal health blips; having to change the way they dress to accomodate a new body; being out of work and so on.  It's comforting to know that other people understand and also, inspirational to know that people have usually conquered the hurdle that harangued them.

Since having a burn, I have found that empathy can also be a bit of a curse.  Initially, it was ambulances.  Everytime I heard the familiar wail, my insides went rigid and I held my breath.  Although I have seen many ambulances in my life, each identical white van meant nothing to me and vanished from my thoughts as soon as it had left my vision.  Now though...as soon as that blue noise enters my thoughts a deep sadness washes over me, because I know.  I know that the person inside is most likely panicking and in pain; two of the most horrific human experiences.  I know that their life may be re-set for a time.  I know that they have a long and difficult recovery ahead of them. 

Time and time again this empathy has caused me to stop in my tracks, it hits me so strongly.  At first I also felt the same tsunami of panic that I had felt in that situation.  As time goes on, this lessens.  Still though, I look upon that vehicle with a sense of upset for those travelling inside.  I spoke to some other burn suriviors about this and it turns out, this is something that happens to a lot of people.  We could empathise with each other, over the the empathy of others.

Empathy also grabs me when I hear stories of other burn injuries or see programmes advertised such as, 'the girl with 90% burns,' (which I would never be able to watch.)  During the recent gas explosion in Manchester a man suffered 80% burns and I haven't been able to move him out of my mind since I heard it on the radio.  Although I can't understand his plight exactly, as my injuries were much less than his, I can still imagine how unwell he must be feeling and the terror he is going through.  I understand now what people mean when they say, 'my heart goes out to them.'

On the flip-side, having an accident brings you in to the path of many, many people who:

a) Don't feel empathy or
b) Have difficulty voicing their empathy.

I have repeatedly been subjected to thoughtless comments and selfish remarks.  Most of the time I don't say anything as I still find myself too shocked by the callousness to formulate a response.  I've had people tell me how terrible the accident was for them.  Others have asked me silly questions about my injuries when it is clear they aren't really interested and they don't understand the extent of burn aftermath.  I know most of what is said comes with the best intentions but the lack of empathy shines through and blinds me every time.

Luckily, these people are in the minority.  Mostly, I am touched every time I open my inbox and find another kind message or a word of encouragement and for those out there who have done this; thank you.  It helps another day pass.