De nile; a river in Egypt.

Every-time I bump into someone I haven't seen for a while I'm told how wonderful I'm doing and how 'well' I look, considering. Obviously I am very pleased about this. I don't really want people telling me I look rubbish or like I've had an accident. I did that bit over Summer and I would like to put it in a little box in my mind, never to be opened again.

There are several types of denial and I think that I might be suffering from minimisation; admitting the fact but denying it's seriousness. When I discuss the event with people I can hear myself downplaying the horror of what has happened. It can lead to cognitive distortion, one part of this would be downplaying a trauma in order to avoid worry for yourself or others. Surely though, this can be a positive thing? Who wants to listen to someone's sob story again and again? And feeling too sorry for yourself can inhibit action and moving on.

I have adopted a 'get on with it and don't dwell on it' attitude and this has meant I can carry on with my life as normally as possible. I have wondered if I might be missing the stages I should be going through but perhaps I will avoid all that drama.

Mostly I am severely irritated by this stupid accident. It was really ridiculous and shouldn't have happened. (Perhaps this is my anger stage...) I love my life, I'm young, I have a job I love and friends and family around me. I have a busy and exciting social life and a fantastic boyfriend. I have worked really hard to get all these things and just as they line up...this happened! It's in the way of the life I want to live. I just want to forget it. Deny it! Minimise it! And continue to live life as before.

This is very difficult though. I've become a different person and this often surfaces in my mind. I don't think most people would notice but I notice it myself. I can't be as spontaneous as I was before, for example I can't go out partying all night, I get too tired. I can't be as carefree because I am reminded of what has happened and I have to look after myself more now.

Ideally, I will never feel long term misery over this incident. Minimising what has happened doesn't minimise the reality of it; the events and aftermath will be forever engraved in my memory and I make light of them in order to get on with my life. If I didn't, perhaps I would struggle to cope. I think that this is a useful defence mechanism for me and as long as I don't overlook any strong feelings I have otherwise, I can't see why I shouldn't keep up this attitude. Long live denial!