Grrrrrrr, blahhhh, humph.

Today is a low day. The sun barely rose in the sky, leaving the day dingy and me feeling very blah. All the wine has been mulled, all the pies have been scoffed, everyone has gone home and I've hit the lull. All the uplifting and inspirational things I have spouted suddenly seem flat and lack-lustre.

I have been looking forward to the end of December, waiting to say goodbye to what has been the best and worst year I've ever experienced. Now it is nearly here, I look at myself in the mirror and despair. Things have improved to a degree but I've got such a long way to go. I've been trying to be positive, continuously thinking, 'it will improve, it will improve.' Now I am thinking, 'when will it improve, when???'

It seems like forever ago but it's only been 5 months.

My next personal deadline is my holiday in August. I'm going to Turkey and it's going to be extremely hot which will bring several challenges with it. By then it will have been a year since the accident and I'm hoping my injuries will be much less noticeable. I want to be able to wear Summer clothes without being self-conscious and I don't want to be uncomfortable in the heat. I considered not going but there are six people going and I didn't want to be the one to miss out. I need to get on with my life.

I still have the rash on my arm and it only seems to be getting worse. I finally have an appointment with a consultant on January 17th, it's only taken 4 months for the NHS to decide it needs treating! I've also made an appointment privately with a Physiotherapy to start Acupuncture and whatever else they recommend.

Being zipped into a compression vest night and day is getting tiresome. I only have 2, so my entire life seems to be spent around washing them and trying to make sure they are clean enough to wear.

When I look back to how awful things were in the first few weeks, I realise how far I've come but when I look in the mirror, I realise how far I still have to go.