The Hermit Card

We speed through our busy lives (me especially!) and rarely let ourselves introspect, think or feel. Often this is because thinking and feeling can throw up unhappy or unwanted feelings so we keep busy, blitz through our time, consuming days and months. This way we don’t have to think or feel, we can just ‘do.’

I have been in a position before where outwardly I’ve appeared to be a busy, active and fun-loving person; travelling to this country, that place, seeing, doing…but it was all just a distraction. I did have a frivolous type of fun but mostly I didn’t want to stop and think about what I wanted from life and how I would achieve it. (Perhaps this is just your early 20s….!) Consequently, things didn’t change for quite a while because I was too busy to stop and think. I flirted with introspection briefly but it threw up issues I’d rather ignore…so I moved on to the next activity. The situation eventually changed once I started to think and question what I wanted from life.

I’ve had a lot of time to think since my accident. I had my tarot cards read a day before it happened and my reading for the six weeks ahead included the ‘Hermit’ card. Considering the 6 weeks school summer holiday was diarised to bursting point with trips, holidays and social events I initially dismissed that little hunched monk carrying his lonely lantern.

Weeks later, lying in bed alone with my thoughts and unable to move, I recalled the Hermit card. I couldn’t help but feel that I was meant to take something profound from this experience. I had so much planned to do and yet I was (and still am) forced to stop and take stock. I’ve had a lot of time to think about ‘who I am.’ I nearly lost part of my identity as I was inches away from severely damaging my face and I lost a great deal of who I am temporarily, whilst recovering.

However, being too introspective and thinking about everything can be just as harmful. During my previous 6 week summer holiday I was quite isolated due to where I was living. Being alone with my thoughts too much made me feel miserable and I over-obsessed about things. Eventually I went in search of volunteering and worked at an inner city farm play scheme for two weeks, to keep my mind occupied. Too much introspection can make you maudlin!

I much prefer being busy but during a recovery that is not an option. Initially you don’t feel well and where pain is present, profound thoughts usually aren’t. Once the pain lifts or becomes manageable your mind starts piping up. You go through a very thoughtful, introspective time because although you are feeling more yourself you are still not well enough to be busy all the time. You could dull your mind with television…but there’s only so much daytime T.V one can take!

Obviously a balance between thinking and doing is the preferred desire. Balance is the aim in everything but so often very hard to achieve. I sit and wonder what have I learned from this experience? Perhaps I have now gained a greater sense of self? Perhaps I have found a better balance between the quiet hermit and the social butterfly? I’m not sure. Let me have a think about it….