The word 'recovery' itself is a verb, an action but people use it as a passive term. I know people say silly things because they don't know what else to say but comments like 'it must get boring, sitting at home all day!' Make me realise they don't really understand what recovery is. And why would they? If I hadn't had an accident and be experiencing the recovery process then I would be the same!
It is a process, one of trial and error. It may appear you are sitting at home all day but really you are getting to grips with getting showered and dressed; then you're too tired to do anything else. It is a process of building up even the simplest of things.
The most difficult question about recovery is the one you ask yourself, every day. When will I feel normal again? When will I be 'recovered', emotionally and physically? Once the initial wounds are healed, especially the very visible ones, people begin to assume you are 'better.' You might go out and see people and they look at you differently now; you don't look ill or weak after all. They don't see you before you are 'disguised' though; they don't see you after the meeting when you have to lay down.
One of the most difficult things about a burn recovery is the time frame and the uncertainty. You break a leg, you're in plaster for X amount of months. You have a knee ligament operation, you rest for 6 weeks. With burns, no one will give you any answers. All skin is different. They will educate you in scar management and you do everything they say to help you minimise the damage. Until 2 years (the magic term) passes, they won't give you any other indication.
If, like me, you like being in control, this really is the pits! Having your body suddenly dictate what you can and can't do is difficult. This was a body that used to run several miles a week, who now feels tired after walking to the town centre and back. (I live in the town centre!) This was a mind of steel which suddenly feels fragile. This was a demeanor of ultimate control and professional conduct who now runs off if it see flames or hear fireworks.
To keep some control, I have kept several diaries. I have written a diary since the age of 5 and so I continue with that diary. I write this blog. I also have kept a diary purely of how I am feeling day to day and what I have done, very factual and medical. All these help me to look at the incident objectively, from a writer's perspective.
I have also kept a photo diary. Now this is really important. No one likes taking pictures of their injuries but it really does make you feel better to see improvements. My chest is still livid red. Yet looking at the photos you can see it used to be an open wound, it used to be a larger patch, 3 weeks ago it was even more livid red! It's hard to see it improving when you see it every day and photos really help with this. You can also show them to people who aren't sure why you still aren't at work...after all...you 'look ok.'
Another idea that has helped me has been organising my day so I am doing something every day. This has helped build up my stamina although it's trial and error; I sometimes massively over-estimate myself and suffer afterwards. It is also distracting to be doing things.
Choosing key dates and working towards them has been important. For example, I chose the date to come back to my flat and start to live independently. I did this a little too early and had to go home to my Mum's again for a week but the precedent had been set and I went back shortly after. I also chose a date to go to the gym again and a date to start seeing colleagues again. This way things are always moving forward. I couldn't do this initially when I was very sick but there came a time in the recovery process when this was a perfect technique. The dates are flexible, if they arrive and they haven't quite worked out, reschedule!
To all the people who are recovering; you must remember that this is your journey, your process and no one else has a say in it. Listen to opinions but know it is your body and your mind and you have the final decision. Do try and help yourself. My counsellor told me think about the advice I'd give my best friend in this situation; then take it myself. We are often kinder to our friends than ourselves.
One of the looming questions that hangs over us is, 'when will I be ready to work again?'
I love my job, it is an all-encompassing job and many of my good friends come from work. Yet, despite this, I couldn't even think of work or consider coming back for many months. All of a sudden, one day, I found I had started to think about work. This was an important step in the process. Just thinking about it! I'm taking minute steps towards going back which to others might seem ridiculous but are very reassuring to me. I'm sure as time goes on I'll take bigger and more significant steps.Despite all the knock-backs and irritations that I have faced and am facing during this process I try to be aware that it is a process. By definition, all processes have ends. The end of mine is what I focus on. The worst has happened to me now. Yes, I am going to have issues with scars and I am going to have emotional baggage collected along the way but like any nightmare, there is an end. Here's to recovery!
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