Irrational fear and a trip to the Circus

I'd say I am a brave person. I wouldn't say I'm reckless but I'm fair game to give anything a go. I've been snorkelling with sharks, touring Greek islands on a moped and camping in the Outback with Kangaroos for company. I've tried surfing,kayaking, sailing, cave-walking, abseiling...anything that sounds a bit different...I'd probably try it.

Until now.

Now I am officially a wimp. This is what an accident can do to you. I fear the most simplest of things. Some of the things that make me flinch wouldn't have even crossed my mind before. They are day-to-day experiences and events. Yet all of a sudden, they hold fear in them. They could do wrong. They could be unpredictable. They could cause me an injury.

An example would be the cinema. It's a dark room, full of unknown people. I start to feel claustrophobic. I worry if something happened, it would be difficult to get out. I check the exits. The music is loud. It makes me jump. I don't know what's going to happen in the film, usually a plus point but all of a sudden, worrisome. Recently, I went to see a film and there was a sudden accident in it. It flashed out of nowhere and I wasn't expecting it. My heart stopped, my legs started shaking.

Another example would be yesterday's experience. My friends decided to take me to the local circus. Something a bit unusual, to break up the monotony of my day. After arriving, we shared a laugh about the fact we were the only people without hordes of kids with us. And I mean that...there were swarms of young children under 5. They were everywhere! I figured this was a good sign. How scary could a circus be?

Firstly, I worried about the tent, the 'big-top.' I checked out the poles and the ropes. If it collapsed it would be very stressful. It was quite a big tent, fairly busy in there for a Tuesday afternoon. Could I escape if necessary? I shelved this thought, quite aware I was acting a bit irrational.

Horses came galloping out in the ring which made me nervous. I stayed controlled though. The horses didn't look like they would stampede. They were very well trained. Next the camels! Enormous, grumpy looking creatures performing slow, regal circuits. I'd almost relaxed at this point.

Then, the Ringmaster cracked her whip and announced their crowning glory, the 'ONLY circus in the ENTIRE UK, to still have LIONS in their show. The ONLY circus to have them UNCAGED!'

I was off like a shot, running towards the exit. Who knew I was scared of lions and tigers and bears and things? Not me, that's for sure. I have never been scared of big cats but the promise of them roaming unpredictably, dangerously, toothily around the ring was all too much for me. I positioned myself at the exit...turned around... and imagine my embarrassment when a pack of dogs shaved to look like lions bounded out from the curtains and jumped on little blocks, tails wagging.

The 18 year-old, gum-chewing, synthetic-lashed attendant looked at me disdainfully and said, 'you do know they're not real lions, don't you?'

Actually, there were no lions. But there were tigers and I was ready for them. They were in a cage, all 5 of them and I strolled towards the exit for the duration of the act.

I had just reached my seat again when the clown pulled out something akin to a flaming torch. I totally freaked out this time and ran towards the exit. I thought he was going to start breathing fire. Actually, they were flimsy, flaming knives. All the children sat in their seats and watched whilst their parent's looked on in amusement as the twenty-something wimp ran off again.

The attendant, a guy this time, gestured to the several ancient looking fire-extinguishers and said, 'don't worry, we've got these handy.'

All in all, I would have enjoyed a circus before. It was quite a test, going and running off and coming back and running off again. My friends were very understanding and made me feel it was the right thing to do. I think that the way to cope with these irrational fears is to do this: put yourself in the position, as close as you think you can be. If it becomes too much, then move away. Otherwise, you would never do anything! I wouldn't use a hairdryer, in case it exploded. I would never charge my laptop, in case it overheated. I would certainly never use an oven, never get in a car, never go anywhere a bit different....

I'm pleased I managed the circus. We went for dinner afterwards and laughed about the attendant's comments and I felt much better.

Later on this week, I'm going to the cinema, to see 'The Lion King' in 3D.